


Are economics really sexy?

by mirabile



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child - Thorne & Rowling
Genre: Anniversary, F/M, Humor, Kinky, Married Couple, NSFW, Parody, Pegging, Smut, also i usually don't write hetero stuff, i feel like i reached my 2014-niveau again, i wanted to leave that dark past behind me!, middle-aged!Hermione, middle-aged!ron, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 23:26:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10398510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirabile/pseuds/mirabile
Summary: Hermione tells Ron about something she'd always wanted to try in the bedroom, but Ron completely misunderstands what she asked him to do.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This work is gifted to Danny, because I got the idea for it during a conversation with her.  
> Also, it is very low-key non-consensual and very cringy.

“Morning, love!” Hermione greeted her husband and put a plate of scrambled eggs in front of his drowsy face.

“Morning”, Ron grumbled and started attacking his breakfast with a fork.

“So, you know, it’s kind of a special day today”

“Is it?” In his mind, Ron was still sleeping and dreaming about a nice long vacation at the beach.

“Yes, don’t tell me you forgot!” Hermione gasped. _No he didn’t!_ “Our anniversary!”

 _Shit,_ Ron said to himself, _she’ll be pissed at me  for weeks now._ “Oh, no of course I didn’t, honey! How could I?” _Shitshitshitshitshit_

“Really. So what did you plan for tonight?”, she snapped.

Now Ron really was in a pickle. “Well I thought we could-“ He had no clue what he should say. Dinner? To commonplace. Theatre? He hadn't reserved any cards. Clubbing? They were way too old for that!

“Pff, didn’t think you’d actually bother to take me out tonight.” Yet, she looked gravely disappointed. Ron needed to make up for that somehow.

“Okay, love, I admit I screwed up, but if there’s anything you’d like us to do, I’ll do my best, I promise. I’m very sorry about this, how can I make you happy.” He kissed her gently and saw how her face lit up after their first physical contact in weeks. She was truly starved for affection.

“Well, truly anything?” she said in a cheeky voice that was a bit worrying to Ron.

“Yes, anything for my princess!”

“Okay, because there’s something I’ve wanted to try forever, I read about it in a muggle magazine, and it sounds, well, really-“she bit her lips “hot. Have you ever heard of pegging?”

He hadn’t, but didn’t want to disappoint her, so he just assured her that he’d love to try it tonight. When he saw how surprised Hermione was at his unhesitant approval, he got a little nervous. However, they both needed to get to work, and Ron needed to find a muggle to explain “pegging” to him.

 

* * *

 

Ron was awkwardly walking around Piccadilly Circus. It didn’t help that he was wearing his usual muggle-disguise, Hammer Pants, an oversized Nirvana Shirt, a bright-blue and purple rain jacket, and uggs. He did not necessarily blend into the crowd seamlessly.

“Excuse me” he asked an old Asian tourist who didn’t speak English and presumably thought he was a lunatic and ran away.

He tried again and asked a young lady: “Excuse me, do you know about pegging?”

She stared at him in disbelieve for three seconds then slapped him in the face and yelled at him in a thick cockney accent. “Fuck off you disgusting wanker!”

Well that didn’t go too well. Women didn’t seem to appreciate his query, so he went over to ask an elderly Gentlemen.

“Pegging?” the man responded. “Why I believe that has to do with economics, doesn’t it? It’s about the link between demand and incoming supply, but I am very busy good sir, have good day!”

Finally someone sensible. Why the lady earlier was so offended, he didn’t know. After all, it was just one of the basics of running a business. Hermione had some weird fetishes, he thought, but shrugged and went to the nearest book store to buy a book about economics he would try and memorise until tonight.

 

* * *

 

He tried his best to set the mood. He even lit some candles in their bedroom. Hermione could come home any minute and he was still struggling with some of the facts about pegging he was trying to memorise.

“Honey, I’m home!” he heard Hermione’s cheery voice downstairs. At least she was not mad at him anymore, or at least didn’t sound mad anymore.

“I’m upstairs, in the bedroom, feel free to join me!” Was that flirty enough?

He heard her hurried steps on the stairs.

When Hermione opened the bedroom door, he was laying on their bed, wearing nothing but the economics book over his crotch.

“Oh honey… you put up candles?” She was truly touched.

“Anything for you, like I said, my dear.” With a gesture of his hand, he invited her to join him on the bed.

“Would you care for a massage?”, he asked.

“I sure would, my love bear” Hermione took off her shirt and laid down on the bed.

Ron opened her bra and started rubbing her back. Now was probably a good time to show her that he had truly tried his best. He started quoting the book in his sexiest voice from memory.

“A fixed exchange rate, sometimes called a pegged exchange rate, is a type of exchange rate regime where a currency's value is fixed against either the value of another single currency, to a basket of other currencies, or to another measure of value, such as gold.”

“Oh yes talk dirty to me” Hermione said jokingly. She was confused about her husband’s sudden urge to talk about economics in the bedroom, but she wasn’t about to judge him for his newly discovered kink.

“So you like this, you… _tax evader_! There are benefits and risks to using a fixed exchange rate. A fixed exchange rate is typically used in order to stabilize the value of a currency by directly fixing its value in a predetermined ratio to a different, more stable or more internationally prevalent currency (or currencies), to which the value is pegged.”

Hermione started giggling. This situation was too comical. “Ronald, why are you dirty-talking about this business-stuff?”

“Well I thought that’s what you wanted?”

“Me? Sweety, I couldn’t care less about this, I’m a politician, not a kinky entrepreneur! What made you think- oh.” She burst out laughing “Oh my God, did you really think I meant _THAT_ kind of pegging? Ronald, you are too pure and vanilla for this world.”

“Wait what?” Ron asked. “And what do you mean with ‘vanilla’?”

“I’ll never forget this, you memorised a highly demanding text book because you thought I wanted you to? You’re the best husband ever, even if you’re a bit whimsical at times!” Hermione seemed to be dying of laughter. She was lying on the bed, topless and out of breath, and they had barely started foreplay yet.

“Uhmm, so what did you have in mind then?”

“Well, I mean if you’re up for something a bit sexier than a lesson in economics, I can show you what _pegging_ really is.” There is was again, that mischievous smile that worried Ron. Still, he didn’t want to disappoint her, so he agreed. He regretted that decision when Hermione pulled a giant black dildo out of a box in her wardrobe.

“Are you still up for this?” Hermione asked while she put on a harness.

Ron was petrified. Was _this thing_ supposed to go up his _very own anus_?

“Don’t worry; I’ll ease you into it. I mean ease it into you.” She seemed to already enjoy herself a lot. “If you want, you can stick it up my ass afterwards. Or I’ll even give you a blowie!”

Ron took a deep breath. He would do this for Hermione. She wanted this. “Okay, let’s do this!”

“I love you!” she squealed out enthusiastically. In order soothe his nerves a little she pulled him down onto the bed for a sexy make-out session. They really hadn’t practised this kissing stuff in too long. Soon enough, however, his hands were everywhere she wanted them to be.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re already so wet…”

“Don’t try to find an excuse now, sweetheart. You’ll have to do your part first!” She spanked his bare butt. “Are you ready?” She instructed him to kneel on the edge of the bed and smeared plenty of lube onto the thick black cock.

Ron was nervous, but he also looked forward to the experience. He didn’t know what Hermione was doing behind him, but he didn’t feel anything yet.

“Do you want it?” Hermione said with a diabolic voice. He had always known that she was more of a top than him, but he never knew he was this… dominant.

“Yes, yes, give it to me!” He tried his best to sound sincerely.

“Get ready, you _tax evader!_ ” She giggled at their earlier misunderstanding. Why did she have to bring that up again?

Ron felt something slide into his anus. It actually felt kind of good, so good that he got an erection. “Ohh, yes!”

“Do you like this?” Hermione said and wiggled her finger around inside of him. “Then get ready for the Big Boy!”

Hermione thrust the dildo into him forcefully. It hurt like being impaled from behind. He actually got kind of sick since he could feel the dildo up to his stomach. He screamed in pain. Hermione took it for pleasure.

“I knew you’d like it”, she said and moved her pelvis to the rhythm of their favourite song, All star by Smashmouth.

Ron was still in crippling pain, but he started to enjoy it. Maybe he enjoyed it because of the pain, maybe just because this was the first time he got his prostate stimulated.

“Yes, Hermione, harder, harder!” Shortly after this exclaim he regretted it. Hermione took him by the word, and she took him hard.

When Hermione finally orgasmed just from the clitoral stimulation she got from mounting the strap-on just right and the satisfaction of truly riding Ron like a submissive ginger pony, his asshole felt like it was torn to shreds.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” she screamed and started shaking. Finally, she pulled out the cock and Ron felt wonderfully liberated but gravely sore. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to poop for the next week. He sunk onto the bed from exhaustion.

“Wow, that was amazing! I’ve always fantasised about this”

Ron didn’t answer. He was just glad it was over.

“Sooo, do you want to fuck me now?”

“Honey, how about we call it a night? You had your fun, and to be honest, I’m a bit tired.”

“What? Sweetheart, did you not enjoy it?” She sounded a bit hurt.

“No, I did, I just don’t have the stamina I had when we were younger.”

“Oh, okay. We can have another go tomorrow if you like”

“Uhm, let’s talk about this tomomorrow.” Ron did not have another go at this too soon, probably ever.

“Okay, sleep well then.” She put her head on his chest and kissed him. “Thank you for this. I love you.”

“Love you too”

They fell asleep cuddling.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I'm both glad and surprised you made it to the end.  
> I quoted the Wikipedia article "Fixed exchange-rate system".  
> Also, my tumblr is @huglocked in case you want to send me anon hate telling me how horrible this fic was, I mean I'd understand.


End file.
